By: Shea Harris
It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have left you. I know its been a good little minute since I last shared an actual blog post but y’all, I needed to take some time to myself. I decided to take special care of my health these past few weeks so I wouldn’t burn myself out. I’ve honestly just been in this mood lately where I’ve been selfish as hell because I deserve *Mama D voice*. I wanted to make sure that I was taking care of myself because if I don’t, I mean who will. We still have one more week of July and honey I am about ready for it to be over. I have been exhausted mentally and physically.
I’m pretty sure I experienced my first moment of being homesick during 4th of July weekend and lets just say I was not here for it. I’ve been battling internally about a few decisions I have made and need to make, which is exhausting within itself. I’ve been given more responsibilities at my job, which forces me to remain sane. With the deaths of Philando Castille and Alton Sterling the first week of July, I just needed to disconnect. I did speak on the unfortunate events during that week on my YouTube channel though.
I’ve barely attended events during this month because I haven’t been in the mood. It’s kind of odd to me that I haven’t really been pressed to go anywhere, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your humble abode. But let’s be honest, I have enjoyed having these past few weeks to myself though! I’ve binge watched Steven Universe, East Los High and Beauty and The Beast, started working back out to burn off some steam and had a few lazy days.
As I said before, I really just needed to unplug. I felt like I was always in these streets and my butt needed to sit down somewhere. I stepped out very seldom this month, but at least I saved some gas. All in all, don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself and don’t feel guilty for having a moment. Trust me I’m still working out a few things internally but ya girl is going to keep on pushing and making sure my mental health is on point. Have you been practicing self care lately? If so, what do you do? I’d love to hear from you all!
By: Shea Harris
Welcome Back. Welcome Back. Welcome Back. Lord knows I’ve missed you all! Life has been just busy, crazy and amazing! I’ve been trying to create poppin’ content for you all via blog and vlog. I appreciate y’all for being patient with me though!
So remember a while ago I was talking about Self Doubt and being hard on yourself? Well it’s time to revisit that. Last weekend I had a photoshoot with FulCircle Services, LLC and being nervous is an understatement! If you don’t know by now, I rather be behind the camera than being in front of it (this was not true a year ago, haha)! As a creative, I rather you all see through my eyes than just see me (if that makes sense). Now you’ll see me on SnapChat clowning around, but on other social media outlets I try to stay behind the scenes and capture those around me.
Back to the photoshoot though.
So I had to have my hair and makeup done upon my arrival and three outfits: one to show my personality, one from a local business and one that was business attire. Y’all. I was so stressed. I had plenty of time to prepare for this shoot but just the thought of getting everything in order had my mind racing. I decided to do my own hair and makeup (mind you I’m not a licensed cosmetologist or makeup guru). I was so nervous doing my makeup and told my friend, Girl. Let me know if I look raggedy. I couldn’t be out here representing my brand with tore up hair and makeup!
Thankfully the hair and makeup came out bomb! The other stressful part was taking the pictures though. I always get nervous in front of the camera because I’m no model (at least I don’t claim to be one). The whole time during the shoot I kept saying uhhh I don’t know what to do. I hope this looks okay. In between outfit changes, the photographer allowed me to view the pictures and voice my opinion. Lets just say I continued saying If you like it, I love it. I’m not a huge fan of my soft faces or serious looks. It always comes off too harsh for me. The only thing I know how to do right when I take pictures is to smile (and sometimes those look scary).
My problem is that I overthink how I look. I overthink everything! The pictures would come out completely fine if I just relax and take in the moment. As soon as I hear the lens shutter or see the flash, I stiffen up. I have got to learn to relax and to stop being so hard on myself! Ugh, I guess I’ll let y’all be the judge though. Here’s a look at some of the pics! Feel free to comment or give some suggestions on how y’all prepare for pics!
Have you ever doubted yourself so much you begin to question why things are happening in your life? Well let me tell you, I have felt that way for at least the last month and a half. I’m finally getting over this wave of doubt (thanks to my friends). I’ve had so many of my close friends check me for being absolutely ridiculous. As a new creative I doubted myself so much to the point I began to psych myself out.
I questioned why God gave me this talent.I questioned why people wanted to work with me. I questioned why people were checking for me. I just didn’t know what to do with the spotlight on me. I didn’t know how to feel about this new love in my life. I have invested so much into my blog and my business I had a fear that I’d fail. Whenever I put my heart and money into something I’m always cautious as to what would come of it. It can be a project, animal or relationship, I’m always cautious as to what I put my time and energy into.
I knew from the very beginning of my creative journey, I wanted to encourage and inspire my peers to do great things. This blogging journey hasn’t always been easy though. I’ve gone through so many emotions with this blog, its kind of embarrassing. I’ve gone through writers block, self doubt, self pity and even ignored my blog because I wasn’t seeing the numbers I wanted to see. When I looked at my stats, I didn’t see the numbers I’d like to see. My reaction to the numbers was pretty much: Oh girl, nobody is checking for you baby. It took for my homegirl, Chakayla, to tell me: The numbers don’t define you.
It’s been about a week since I’ve looked at my stats page and Lord knows I’m itching to look at them, but I won’t. I want to continue feeding off of the compliments my peers are giving me. I want to continue speaking my success into existence. All in all I just want to remain humble throughout this whole process as I continue to grow as a creative. I have some of the most supportive individuals in my life that I don’t have a choice but to keep going and growing.