Tag Archives: friends

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

By: Shea Harris
Now keep in mind, this isn’t title”How to Get a Man/Woman”. This is simply how to get out of the friend zone.
Let’s talk about it. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty familiar with this zone. It’s either because I’ve placed myself there or someone placed me there. Regardless of who placed who there, I know all about it. For the past six years (I hope it hasn’t been more than that) I’ve friend zoned myself….A LOT. I didn’t do it intentionally but trust me, I did it to myself. A lot of times I went into situations AUTOMATICALLY thinking that the guy wasn’t interested in me. It all goes back to my Southern Belle post. I meet people and automatically think, oh they see a nice person and want a genuine friendship. I spoke to my home girl and this is what she had to say:
“I definitely think I put myself into the friend zone! For me I think it comes down to a confidence thing. I automatically head towards that zone a lot of the time.”
Step 1) You’ve got to have confidence.
Once you start to see how pawpin’ and bad ass you are, people will begin to flock to you. Become the best version of yourself that you can be. I usually know I’m in the friend zone just by a guys actions. Although I’m a horrible flirt, I know when people are flirting with me and when they’re not. I’m the first to say “oh that’s just the homie” because I’m used to being just that. Maybe just maybe if I would change the way I thought about these things, I’d have different results. Remember, once you claim something (mentally or verbally) that’s exactly what you’re going to get. This is what my friend had to say:
“I know I’m in the friend zone because it feels like a strict friendship. It feels like nothing else will come out of it, if that makes sense.”
Step 2) You’ve got to be optimistic.
Walking into any situation with a negative attitude or expecting something different than what you really want is only a set up. You’re simply setting yourself up for failure. Show more of who you are and stop being afraid to express yourself (I low-key just cursed myself out with that statement). I’m usually in the friend zone because I psyche myself out. I know I’m a bomb ass friend and I’m great at being there for people. I’ve gotten too comfortable and content with being the homie and struggled to weed my way out of that. I think my friend hit the nail on the head with this one:

“I’m in the friend zone because I don’t put in effort to let them know I’m interested. Again, it’s a confidence thing and I make it seem like I’m okay with just being friends when I would like more. I settle for friendship.”

Step 3) You’ve got to know your worth and stop settling.
Do you think you’re only good enough to be his/her friend? You is smart. You is kind. You is important. You is fine. Haha, okay enough of that. I say all that to say, the only person holding you back from exiting the friend zone is you. It’s a mental thing. Know who you are and constantly remind yourself why you deserve to be out of the friend zone. The more you doubt yourself, the longer you’ll stay there. Stop telling yourself that you’re just a friend. The more you say that, the more evident it’ll appear to others and that’s the last thing you want. Some time ago I spoke about being in the Friend Zone and how it pretty much sucks. Once you realize what you’re doing wrong on your part, things will begin to make sense. You’ll slowly creep out of that little hole and people will see what you see in yourself.
Again, this was not a post about getting a man or woman. It’s more so to remind you all how bomb you are and that you shouldn’t sell yourself short. You are absolutely amazing and you have no business being in the friend zone. I love you boo! 😘
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Friendships.

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By: Shea Harris

Before social media, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel, there was a time where we all had to make genuine friendships. Not to say friendships now aren’t genuine, but hopefully you get where I’m coming from. My parents told me, you’ll know who your real friends are during and after college. I must say they were right! I’ve met so many amazing people throughout walks of life its insane. Some people became memories and some people are still in my life. I must say the ones who have stayed in my life the longest are my male friends.

As a millennial some people are opposed to having too many friends of the opposite sex. I have to say I completely disagree. I don’t have issues befriending women, but my male friends pretty much keep me on point. Whenever I’m even thinking of doing something crazy, my boys are like “Now Shea, you know better” or “Shea why would you even try that?” They pretty much check me when I need to be checked (not saying my girls don’t though).

It’s something about me being able to go to the opposite sex and tell them my problem without being judged. Sometimes I may get the 😳 face, but all in all we get down to the nitty gritty without being hostile with one another. I’ve seriously been blessed with amazing guy friends that are super protective and want the best for me. Now we have our disagreements, but eventually we get on the same page and attempt to understand one another.

So here is the real deal: my guys are attractive and are doing pretty well for themselves, but to be honest the best part of our friendship is that I don’t want to hop in bed with them and they don’t either. I know some girls have said “oh that’s my brother” and end up being more than that, but I guess that’s the difference between girls and women. I know how to be a friend and nothing more. But as we all know, with pros there are always cons.

Because of my unique friendships with guys, I’m used to being the “homegirl” or the “sister”. Sometimes I don’t realize when a guy is flirting with me (weird I know). For some time now, I have stuck myself in this box as being the homie. This is honestly my first time opening up about this because I must admit, I’ve been in denial for quite some time. I thought guys didn’t come my way because they weren’t interested, but of course I knew the truth. I didn’t climb in this box intentionally, but I have noticed over time I suck at picking up queues. When people tell me they’re interested in me, my response is Really? How was I supposed to know that? I would’ve never thought that!

For some reason people just open up to me, I guess because of the southern charm. It also helps that I’m a talker (if you don’t know, I talk…a lot). I don’t really turn down conversations unless I have nothing to contribute or you’re being straight up disrespectful. Unfortunately, I’m unable to distinguish between someone flirting and me being received as a good friend. This probably sounds ridiculous to you but when I communicate with the opposite sex I’m not saying to myself, he must be feeling me. I literally say, oh he’s real cool. I’m known for jumping to conclusions a lot but when it comes to the opposite sex, nah that’s not me shawty.

I’m still trying to climb out of the homegirl box, but until then I’ll continue taking everything with a grain of salt and…

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Let me know in the comments below if you have this same issue so I won’t be alone, haha!