“I’m in the friend zone because I don’t put in effort to let them know I’m interested. Again, it’s a confidence thing and I make it seem like I’m okay with just being friends when I would like more. I settle for friendship.”
By: Shea Harris
Before social media, Tinder and Coffee Meets Bagel, there was a time where we all had to make genuine friendships. Not to say friendships now aren’t genuine, but hopefully you get where I’m coming from. My parents told me, you’ll know who your real friends are during and after college. I must say they were right! I’ve met so many amazing people throughout walks of life its insane. Some people became memories and some people are still in my life. I must say the ones who have stayed in my life the longest are my male friends.
As a millennial some people are opposed to having too many friends of the opposite sex. I have to say I completely disagree. I don’t have issues befriending women, but my male friends pretty much keep me on point. Whenever I’m even thinking of doing something crazy, my boys are like “Now Shea, you know better” or “Shea why would you even try that?” They pretty much check me when I need to be checked (not saying my girls don’t though).
It’s something about me being able to go to the opposite sex and tell them my problem without being judged. Sometimes I may get the 😳 face, but all in all we get down to the nitty gritty without being hostile with one another. I’ve seriously been blessed with amazing guy friends that are super protective and want the best for me. Now we have our disagreements, but eventually we get on the same page and attempt to understand one another.
So here is the real deal: my guys are attractive and are doing pretty well for themselves, but to be honest the best part of our friendship is that I don’t want to hop in bed with them and they don’t either. I know some girls have said “oh that’s my brother” and end up being more than that, but I guess that’s the difference between girls and women. I know how to be a friend and nothing more. But as we all know, with pros there are always cons.
Because of my unique friendships with guys, I’m used to being the “homegirl” or the “sister”. Sometimes I don’t realize when a guy is flirting with me (weird I know). For some time now, I have stuck myself in this box as being the homie. This is honestly my first time opening up about this because I must admit, I’ve been in denial for quite some time. I thought guys didn’t come my way because they weren’t interested, but of course I knew the truth. I didn’t climb in this box intentionally, but I have noticed over time I suck at picking up queues. When people tell me they’re interested in me, my response is Really? How was I supposed to know that? I would’ve never thought that!
For some reason people just open up to me, I guess because of the southern charm. It also helps that I’m a talker (if you don’t know, I talk…a lot). I don’t really turn down conversations unless I have nothing to contribute or you’re being straight up disrespectful. Unfortunately, I’m unable to distinguish between someone flirting and me being received as a good friend. This probably sounds ridiculous to you but when I communicate with the opposite sex I’m not saying to myself, he must be feeling me. I literally say, oh he’s real cool. I’m known for jumping to conclusions a lot but when it comes to the opposite sex, nah that’s not me shawty.
I’m still trying to climb out of the homegirl box, but until then I’ll continue taking everything with a grain of salt and…
Let me know in the comments below if you have this same issue so I won’t be alone, haha!