“I’m in the friend zone because I don’t put in effort to let them know I’m interested. Again, it’s a confidence thing and I make it seem like I’m okay with just being friends when I would like more. I settle for friendship.”
By: Shea Harris
Here lately I’ve been really trying to calm my nerves. Every time God presents me with an idea, I’m ready to jump into it right then and there. Whenever I see a dollar amount that I’d love to have, I want it right then and there. When it comes to anything that I want in my life: it can be materialistic or non-materialistic, I want it. I’ve been trying to weed myself off of this whole instant gratification wave. As a millennial I see accomplishments that can be made in a certain amount of time. Instead of taking my time to get to those accomplishments and sitting through the process, I always want to rush it so I can reap the benefits. It doesn’t help that social media has people portraying instant results or using phrases such as get instant results!
I can only speak for myself, but I’m a bit impatient when it comes to getting what I want. Once I receive what I want, I then want something else. I barely take time out to appreciate what I have in that very moment. I’m always trying to find and search for things to make my life better. Whenever I get what I want and need in my life, I go back asking for more. I always express this fear of getting too comfortable and stagnant in my life but the truth is, I don’t know how to enjoy things. I don’t mean enjoying the fair, a concert or movie. I mean enjoying where I’m at in that moment.
When I lived in Durham, NC, I didn’t really take time to enjoy and see the full potential that the city had to offer me. I honestly was there for work and knew I wouldn’t be there forever. I didn’t actually start to enjoy the city and explore until about 3 months before I moved to Miami. Yes I went to the movies and the mall on my own, but I didn’t tour the Duke Botanical Gardens, hike Eno River State Park or get lost in the city. I pretty much went to work, went to the gym and chilled in my apartment. I didn’t take time out to get to know myself. I was so ready to leave Durham that I didn’t realize the beauty of it until it was too late.
At least once a month I was in Charlotte to see family and friends. I didn’t care about my time in Durham because I knew it was temporary. I made sure that I was making moves and decisions that would push me to progress. Instead of sitting in the moment, I rushed the process and didn’t fully understand why I was placed in Durham. I’d like to think it was to learn more about my industry and bring it to Miami, but I definitely could’ve made a larger impact on people in the Raleigh-Durham area.
Remember to take your time and sit through your transitions. Don’t rush the progress to be made. Rushing into things can often cause you to miss out on others. Take your time and know that progress is a timely thing.
By: Shea Harris
The end of 2016 and beginning of 2017 has really blessed me with some bomb music. I have really been able to breathe slowly and whoo-sah through some situations because of some talented artists. There may be a few songs that get me in my feelings but after I shake the words, I just listen to the soothing beat. Let me just go ahead and jump right into it.
For the longest, I’d seen this silhouette circling the web and wasn’t really sure who or what it was. One day I randomly decided to give this project a listen and completely fell in love. From the first record to the last, H.E.R. had me hooked. She samples some of your favs and does it in such a smooth way. I can honestly say my favorite record is U. I know it’s easy to say “oh I relate with this song so much”, but I seriously do. It’s something about being a single Southern Belle in South Florida and seeing how different you are from everyone. The way you talk, walk, dress, think, etc. The line that says it all for me is I’m not like those other girls, I don’t be acting brand new. Like ma’am, what?! I’m really trying my hardest not to dissect this entire song and album so let me move on. Just go give her a listen.
So I actually came across this album through my Tidal app. Anytime a new album drops, it’s listed with the other albums that come one within the same day/week. I think I waited about two or three days before I pressed play, but of course my timeline was already supporting her so I had to see what the hype was about. I recognized Syd by her name and face from The Internet, but didn’t know that much about her. Her voice is honestly everything I need to hear whenever I’m getting annoyed or stressed about sitting in traffic. It’s kind of hard for me to describe the music genre though. It has an urban, neo-soul type of vibe to it. Every time I listen to this album I just want to dress up in my sexiest outfit, put on makeup and act like I’m in a music video. Syd literally gives me all the feels and confidence to be sexy with this album. My favorite song by far is Drown in It. Unfortunately it’s only 1:11 (she knows good and well she could’ve given us an extra 2 mins 😑), but it’s still perfect though.
Solange-A Seat at the Table
QUEEN. That’s the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of Solange and this album. As soon as her project dropped in 2016, I played it completely through. I will honestly play this album all the way through without any skips. I barely skip the interludes! This album was exactly what the culture needed, but most importantly Black Women. She paints this raw and uncomfortable picture of what it is to be Black in America, but helps you deal with micro-aggressions at the same time. When I listen to this album it’s usually to remind myself that I’m a strong, beautiful and purpose-filled Black woman. Don’t Touch My Hair. That’s all. I know it’s big, thick and different, but just don’t. It’s weird.
Childish Gambino-Awaken, My Love!
This👏🏾Talented 👏🏾Young 👏🏾Black 👏🏾Man. What planet does he come from?! Does he have a cousin? A brother? A nephew my age? Just kidding! I’m honestly quite upset that I’ve missed out on this mans talent all these years. Childish Gambino’s most recent album is exactly what I needed. He dropped this project right on time. Just when things were getting rough and uncertain at the end of 2016, he dropped this album and I got my entire life. I hate that I had not listened to any of his music before this album, but he has my attention now. I’ve been able to connect with so many of my peers just because of this one album. His songs are so simple and unique on this album that it’s impossible to dislike it. I don’t think I can pick just one favorite song off this album though. It’s a tie between Me & Your Mama and Redbone.
I first heard his angelic voice on Solange’s Don’t Touch My Hair. I didn’t know his name until I looked at the featured artist, but completely fell in love with his presence on the record. A few weeks after Solange dropped her album, Sampha proceeded to do the same. Funny thing is Sampha and Syd dropped (I believe) in the same week. Listening to this man’s voice brought me into a different space. I was ready to hurry and get home to light some candles, meditate and do some yoga. No joke. Each time I listen to his album, I get a different message each time. I’m reminded to breathe and live each time I take a listen. Sounds a bit deep but its the honest to God truth (from my perspective). His voice always gives me chills and makes my heart flutter. You’ve got to check him out!
I know this was an extensive post, but I definitely felt like it was necessary for me to share some of my favs with you all. Is there anything you listen to that puts you in a calming mood? Let me know below!
By: Shea Harris
This post is dedicated to all my Southern Belle’s. I know your pain girl. I understand where you’re coming from. You’re not the only one going through this. I want you to know that I love you and support you. Haha! Okay let me stop playing. So today I was texting my friends about a situation and I said Y’all need to teach me how to be mean! I’ve noticed that as a Southern Belle I enter a situation with one expectation and end with a different result. Most of the time its not in my favor.
Being Too Nice Leads To a Number
So I’ve noticed in different situations that when I communicate with people, I kind of give them too much attention. In my mind I think I’m just being nice, courteous and showing a bit of Southern hospitality that’s missing in their life. In their mind, they pretty much think I’m interested. Now sometimes I’m interested, but then again sometimes I’m not. I don’t really know how to be mean to people unless they piss me off. Whenever I meet someone, I just go in thinking I should network. You never know whose company you can benefit from.
Being Too Nice Leads to Getting Ran Over
Usually when you’re nice, people take your kindness for weakness. It sucks, but apparently that’s the way life is set up. It’s been so many times when people thought they could do any little thing around me and then I had to check them. It’s either a firm cursing out or the coldest stale face. Moving to South Florida from North Carolina, people always tell me Shea you’re too nice. I stick out like a sore thumb in a room filled with South Florida natives. I’m not sure if it’s my bubbly personality, my southern hospitality or both. What it comes down to is that when people see someone nice, they usually take them as a push over.
Being Too Nice Leads to More Work
This can be pertaining to your work life or your side hustle. For me its definitely both. I’ve noticed that my genuine spirit leads to more responsibilities. It’s difficult for me to hand off projects to other people because I’m always more concerned about their well being. When no one else can be counted on, I can be. Not even trying to toot my own horn, it’s just a fact. I’m usually the one to step up when things get a bit crazy. When it comes to my side hustle, I’m the only one that runs this. I don’t feel comfortable with building a team and I can’t pay them the amount of money they deserve. I wouldn’t mind getting interns, but I hate asking people for help. Sounds dumb, but it’s something I’ve struggled with since I was a child.
Are you a Southern Belle or someone from the true South? Any of these sound familiar? Let me know in the comments below! Until next time! 😘
By: Shea Harris
I figured I’d channel my inner Evolution of Robin Thicke in the title of this post. Oh my gosh, speaking of: that album still makes my heart oh so weak! I can play that album from beginning to end. Okay sorry. I got a bit distracted. Back to the main topic. Love. Oh it’s such a beautiful thing. I honestly don’t know why some people say they can do without it. In a previous blog post, I talked about how I didn’t know what my love language was. Well just so happens, I took a quiz to find it out. After taking the quiz, I feel like I now understand why I do the things I do and act the way I do.
Here are my results:
|10||Words of Affirmation|
|6||Acts of Service|
To be honest I think I knew my love language this entire time, I just didn’t know how to put it into words. I find myself comparing my actions to those around me and I respond differently. I pretty much knew Receiving Gifts wasn’t my love language. Physical Touch, ehhh. I’m a fan of being touched but I’m still struggling with somethings from my past in regards to that. Nothing too extreme, but you know the past will try to haunt you. I’m actually shocked I didn’t score higher in Acts of Service though. I love when people take their time to do an action from their heart and truly share their feelings through actions.
Now let’s finally get into my two high scores: Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. The main thing that stuck out to me in regards to Words of Affirmation was Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. I absolutely adore when people let me know how they feel about me, especially because I’m pretty vocal about my feelings. It’s something about an I love you or I miss you that just sends me to cloud 9. I know that actions speak louder than words, but when someone says these things with a certain tone or body language, its a wrap.
Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. I mean what more can I say? This pretty much sums up my entire life. If I put aside time out of my day to spend time with you, I pretty much expect for you to respect that time and make the same sacrifice. I do understand everyone doesn’t view sacrifice the same as me, but no matter what I always hope and pray that they do. When plans are cancelled and I was looking forward to hanging out, you pretty much just let me down. Fortunately I’m the type of person who gives like six chances, but once number seven some around…baby I’m sorry. It’s a wrap.
Taking this quiz honestly brought a lot of things to light and made me realize that I don’t have to be like the next person. My love languages are catered to me and how I express myself. Maybe that’s why I’m so quick to go on tangents about how amazing people are or write a little something. Regardless, I have to accept who I am and not force an agenda on people that’s unlike me.
What’s your love language? Let me know below! 🙂
By: Shea Harris
Now for those of y’all who know me, I’m pretty sure you’re rolling your eyes. I promise there’s a reason behind all of this. It makes sense…well it makes sense to me. I don’t really know where this is coming from to be honest. It might be because so many people have made sacrifices for me and I haven’t made sacrifices for them. I think about the thoughtful things people do for me, then look back at what I’ve done. It doesn’t even compare. It may have something to do with me not really knowing my love language. Everyone else’s shouts loud and clear while mine is silent and not present (at least not at this moment).
I Think I’m Too Selfish
Sometimes I talk to people just to vent or share things about my life. I’ve tried to change up my habits lately and actually listen to people and make sure I’m interested in what’s going on in their lives. I don’t always go and visit people, they usually come and see me. I’ve been feeling super guilty since my birthday to be honest. My best friend and really good friend really outdid themselves for my 25th birthday. My best friend flew to Miami from New Jersey for the big 2-5 and spent the entire birthday weekend with me. I haven’t even been to Jersey to visit her yet.
Even thinking back on it now, I don’t even know what I did to have such amazing friends as the ones I have in my life. The fact that people have gone out there way to make me enjoy my special day just brings in all the feels. I’ve literally say to my friends: Thank you for fooling with me. I know I’m raggedy and a hot mess. I feel like I’ve taken on this guilty complex to mold me into a better person. I feel like if I were to sit back and let people do for me, I’d just be taking advantage of them.
I Don’t Think I Make Time For People
Spending time with people isn’t a problem. I think the problem is who I spend time with. I’m such a social butterfly that sometimes I have to postpone meet ups in order to reunite with other folks. I don’t even know when I’m going back to North Carolina because I’m determined to make 2017 my year of travel. I want to visit my friends in other states I’ve never been to. I honestly don’t think I’m heading back to the Carolinas until Thanksgiving of this year. Although my parents aren’t upset about me coming to visit, I can’t help but feel guilty.
What kind of daughter doesn’t go back home to visit her family? What kind of daughter puts her family on the back burner just to go to other places and visit friends. I know I’m probably overreacting, but these thoughts have ran through my mind. It all comes to the main factor of love. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough love to pass around or that people won’t understand the type of love I give. The feeling of being forgotten has to be a terrible one and I don’t want anyone to feel that way.
At the end of the day, I have to let go of the guilt that has been running my little mind. I have to be confident in the fact that the people in my life know that I love and cherish them deeply. Have you all ever felt this way? Let me know in the comments.
By: Shea Harris
This past month, I’ve changed my views and perspective on a lot of things. I honestly owe a big portion of this to Hey Fran Hey, Yeradmi and Hasnaa for that. On February 11th, my little world was rocked: I joined these three influencers and fifty beautiful women in a quaint yoga studio in Little Haiti. I’d been looking forward to this Supernatural Wellness Pop-Up since Fran mentioned it on The Friend Zone last year. She spoke about how many lives she touched in The Dominican Republic one weekend and I just new I had to be apart of it if she ever did it again. I didn’t care if I had to book a flight or finesse my way to it, I was going to be in the building.
When the pop up event was first advertised, I was super excited (especially since the first stop would be Miami). I knew once she announced the event, I was going to be blessed by her and these other women! What I didn’t know was that it would cost $100. I’m not going to lie, it took me sometime to purchase my ticket. Not because I was being cheap, but because I was on a strict budget. I knew my direct deposit wouldn’t be hitting my account the way it initially had been over the past year. I knew that if I wanted to participate in this pop up retreat, it’d be an investment and a sacrifice I was willing to make.
I don’t even know how to continue this post to be honest. It’s been a little over a month since the pop up and I’m still on a high. I was able to network and meet some beautiful ladies, heard women’s stories that weren’t like mine at all, completed yoga that pushed me to another level, spoke about spirituality and so much more! As a whole, we didn’t know what a day in a yoga studio from 11 am to 6 pm would turn into. We laughed. We cried. We let go of fears. We inhaled new attitudes. The day was absolutely perfect. My only fear was leaving the safe space and entering back into the real world and fast lanes.
Since the pop up I’ve gotten back into working out, eating healthy and being a better person. Sounds a little crazy, but sometimes I feel that I’m not the best I can be (especially as a friend but I’ll write about that another time). I’ve been more patient and listen to people instead of rushing to the point. I’ve learned how to calm my nerves in stressful situations and breathe through it instead of catching an attitude. I will be completely honest though, there was one day in early March where I felt that my positive drive was coming to an end. It’s not easy staying on a natural high and being optimistic. It’s challenging and sometimes draining.
I will say this though. If the Supernatural Wellness Pop Up has any more tickets in your area….COP IT NOW! The work these women do and the work you’ll put in is worth the time, energy and price. Oh and the gifts they give you are bomb!
By: Shea Harris
The last time I went to church was…heavens I don’t even know when. I think it was sometime in August of 2016. For someone who believes in God and puts all my trust in him, you’d think I’d be doing a better job at attending the Lord’s house. Well surprise! I’m not. In September of 2015, one of my main focuses was finding a home church. Since then, my focus has shifted. I’ve spent more time acknowledging the blessings God has bestowed upon me. I’ve spent more time sharing my testimony of how good God is. I’ve spent more time sleeping in on Sundays.
I find myself wondering why am I able to hit up brunch on Sundays but not church on Sundays? To be completely transparent, I don’t want to. I rather invest my time and energy into building a spiritual connection with God instead of finding a church to help me on this journey. I’ve become completely lazy with finding a church in Miami because of my bad experiences. I rather let those experiences haunt me and poison my thoughts on church than find another place to attend to change my mentality.
I had become so comfortable with my church in North Carolina that I didn’t want any other one to compete with it. I was okay with just visiting my home church (every blue moon) whenever I was in town. I shrugged off the guilt I was feeling whenever someone asked me if I found a church home. I stopped looking and stopped attending. Every time I said I was going to the House of the Lord, I found myself “oversleeping”. There’s this beautiful thing called the internet though. I could tune into my home church via web, but guess who hasn’t. Yep, you guessed correctly. Me.
I feel like I’m at a weird point in my walk with God. I understand who is he is, how jealous he is and what he can do, but for some reason I don’t find myself walking through the church doors to go and worship him. Maybe because I’m scared I’ll love a church down here more than the one in North Carolina. Maybe because I don’t want to get too churchy. Or maybe it’s because I’m just straight up lazy. To be real with you, I think its a combination of everything.
I don’t want to commit to another church. I don’t want to lose who I am. I don’t want to take out 2 hours of my Sunday to give formal thanks. Well ladies and gentleman, this Sunday I’ll be attending a new church in South Florida and I’m excited. I know God is going to bless me. I don’t care if he blesses me with a bomb parking spot at the church on a busy Sunday morning, it’s a blessing! I know he’s going to move and shift my views around. I most definitely know he’s going to show me what I’ve been missing out on though.
I figured I’d share my story with you all because, I mean I’m supposed to real with y’all right? Have you been torn between attending church and sleeping the day away? What do you all struggle with when it comes to walking in the House of the Lord? I’d love to hear from you!
By: Shea Harris
For the past 2.5 years I have been a contractor at two separate companies. At the first establishment, I didn’t have any benefits. I was on my parents medical insurance, I didn’t get paid time off, nor was I paid for Holidays. The second establishment, I had amazing benefits: medical insurance, dental insurance, paid time off and I was paid for Holidays! The only downfall was that insurance was too dag on expensive. I hated they took out so much money every two weeks for insurance.
It’s been 1 year and 3 months since I moved to Miami and I finally have a full time job with a salary and amazing benefits! Don’t get me wrong, as a contractor each company treated me like I was a full time employee but it’s something about finally getting the words STAFF on your ID badge. It might be a bit petty, but Lord knows I was tired of seeing CONTRACTOR on my badge every time I reached for it. To add on to the excitement, HR called me the first week of 2017 to let me know I would be converted to a full time staff member (talk about an amazing start to 2017)!
As I accepted the offer I was a bit intimidated with what was coming: I would only be getting paid once a month. Yes, you read that correctly. ONCE. A. MONTH. Ever since I moved to Miami, my coworkers let me know that’s what would occur when I was converted, but my goodness! Preparing for what was to come is completely different than living in it. I’m hopeful that getting paid once a month will help me learn how to budget though. I’ve been trying to budget since 2014, but I’ve failed at it miserably. As I’m typing this post I’m too anxious for March 31st to come so my direct deposit will hit. It is a bit sad though that I’m ready to swipe my card for some retail therapy.
Besides my payment schedule changing, the price of my insurance (medical, dental and vision) has decreased tremendously! When I looked at the total of my insurance and realized all that I would receive, I thought it was a joke. Having bomb benefits just gives me a different outlook on how blessed I am to have this position. I’ve taken on a bit more responsibility, which sounds like a con but its not. All the new things I’m doing will be placed on my resume. I’m meeting more people, building relationships and gaining more knowledge. I hope to continue expanding my knowledge in Clinical Research and continue climbing the ladder of success.
By: Shea Harris
Usually around this time of year I see all types of emotions come across my timeline. It’s a mix between love, appreciation, bitterness and sometimes even anger. It’s uncomfortable scrolling through because I’m a positive person and seeing many mixed feelings projected is uneasy. I don’t know whether to laugh, be sad or let’s be honest roll my eyes. I don’t know your situation but hopefully this will bring some light to your Valentine’s Day and to your life.
1. Say Bye Bye to Bitter Betty/Barry
She/He is no longer needed in your life. It’s okay to be single and take comfort in your own space. All of the things you’ve gone through (or going through) is a set up for something simply amazing. It may be financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. It doesn’t always have to be an individual. Maybe you thought you were going to marry that man or woman once upon a time but it just didn’t work out. It’s okay love! You didn’t need to keep that person with you on this journey. Keep your head up and realize that you’re worth more than gold.
2. Self Love is the Most Important Type of Love
I don’t even need to say any more. If you want a bit more emphasis, check out this post.
3. Search and Find Who You Really Are
We claim to know exactly who we are, but we are always changing (especially in our 20’s). I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted, but now I’m honestly just experiencing every little thing that comes my way. It may take for me to almost drown in the Grand Cayman Islands to figure out I’m not the strongest swimmer (true story by the way). I may have to try plantains a few different ways to come to the conclusion that they’re not for me at all. I say all this to reaffirm that I’ve tried different things to find out who I am and what I like. It’s absolutely fine to try things and rediscover who you are. I mean if not, then why exactly are we here?
4. Sit Back and Chill
While discovering who we are, sometimes we read too much into things. Every person you come across doesn’t deserve you and every text doesn’t need a response. Yeah it’s often times exciting to welcome potentials in your life but keep in mind that’s what they are, potentials. Take your time on getting to know folks and seeing who they are, if they flow with you and if they truly are who they say they are. It’s never that deep to jump to what if’s and you just figured out each others name. Keep it cute and light until things begin to shift.
5. It’s Just Another “Holiday”
Of course I leave the best for last: baby it’s just another day. Don’t spend all your time caught up in the Instagram, Facebook and Twitter posts. Think of it like it’s your birthday. For 24 hours you’re receiving calls, texts and social media notifications for this one day and then the day after…silence. That’s pretty much how Valentine’s Day works. You see all these things on social media and mushy advertisements until the day of and then it’s on to 50% off Valentine’s Day candy and Easter prep. I choose not to be upset and worked up about one day out of the year simply for two reasons: I’m healed from the Bitter Betty bug and I’m blessed to have family and friends who show me unconditional love all the time.
I truly hope this post was helpful and inspiring to at least one person.
Happy Valentine’s Day lovely and keep your heart Three Stacks. 😉
*Image from College Friend*